Tuesday, 2 November 2010

How to: Fall over in a dignified manner...

This isn't me falling over (I'm not friends with Sarah Harding), but I feel for the poor lass, I really do...

One of my very bestest skills (if you can call it a skill) is falling over. I've probably even blogged about it once or twice.

My preferred falling over incidents (and most talked about) are, in order of preference:
  • That time I fell over at my friends summer barbeque, my heel got stuck in the grass and I was DOWN, face first, with mud all over my chin.
  • That time I fell over in the pub (which time I hear you ask? there have been a few), well that time when I landed in a kneeling position at the bar after getting my heel stuck in the doorway, it's one way of getting served soonest.
  • And that time I fell out of my car, again head first, and again after getting my heel stuck, this time in the hem of my trousers.
Can you see the pattern forming?, they all involve 'heels'.

Well, in the first of my 'Tuesday: How To's', I'm addressing this issue with some top tips for falling over in a dignified manner:
  1. Always try to break your fall. Head first falling hurts bad. And you wind up with mud on your face, which makes your already embarrassed state rather much worse.
  2. Feel free to let out a little girly squeal (unless you're a guy), it makes people feel sorry for you, like they would do a small child and they are less inclined to laugh.
  3. Please make sure you are wearing good knickers. It's bad enough to fall over, but if you give everyone a glimpse of your 'I need to do some washing knickers' - the humiliation will last a LOT longer, I promise.
  4. If you are of the falling over variety, try to make sure you are with someone at all times. Falling over on your own is possibly the worst type of fall. With no one to laugh it over with you really do just look like a wally, or a drunk, or a drunk wally.
  5. Always inspect your heels for 'pretend' defects after a fall, if in doubt, blame the shoes but make sure everyone notices you 'blaming the shoes'.
  6. Never admit to being hurt. Once the commotion has died down, feel free to walk round a corner and scweam and scweam and scweam, but not while people are still watching.
  7. Allow people to help you up - even if they are sniggering. If they are not sniggering, be warned, they will snigger when they tell all their friends on facebook what they just saw.
  8. And lastly, whilst difficult, if you happen to be walking along with your beautiful friend, try to compose your facial expression when falling, the lady above has got it all wrong, if you are captured on camera falling, a smile is much more flattering.
Like with most things, falling over with dignity is an art form, it takes some practice. I practice a lot and I'm still not there, so don't worry if it takes you some time to perfect.

What's been your best (or worst, depends on how you look at it) falling over experience?


grumpyoldwoman said...

Sorry - thats amateur falling. I can top the lot. I once stepped out of a car wearing white trousers and stepped back into a ditch full of mud that went up to my waist. After the driver had dragged me out, he refused to run me home as we were out in the boonies - so I spent all evening covered in slimey cold mud. And NO, I didnt manage to smile as I fell.

The Brunette said...

lol I fell over in work once
It was funny I got up from my desk and I was rushing and I accidently had caught my heel in the wires under the desk so as I rushed off my seat I just fell to the floor in a crumpled heap! I laughed so much I ended up crying and all my mascara ran down my face.
My colleagues checked to see if I was ok before also laughing in hysterics!
It was an embarassing time all round.

daisychain said...

What a fabulous post, I am forever falling over!

Tigbe said...

Yeah I happen to always fall going UP the steps, It never fails but i fell in front of the guy i loved once during a volleyball game and he was right behind me so it was like a domino effect UGH