Monday, 10 August 2009
Well, the holiday I have been waiting a year for has been and gone, it was glorious. Glorious sunshine, glorious sangria and glorious sunburn.
Oh, and I bagged myself a cowboy. (Ok, so really he is my other half, but he probably will shoot me for posting a pic of him).
So in the interest of fair play, I too became a cowboy (yes, it was one of THOSE types of holiday).
I know quite a few of you will still be waiting to go on your holidays… so from experience, I bring you my 10 commandments of holidaying:
1. Thou shalt attend the gym thou joined six months ago with a view to getting that perfect bikini body. Going to the gym to sit in the bar drinking coffee and eating croissants, or 'watching' the family in the outdoor gym pool whilst sunning oneself on a lounger does not count.
2. Thou shalt 'defuzz' more efficiently prior to boarding any flight, at any time.
3. Thou shalt not try 'HARDCORE' sunbathing more than once. It can only end in tears.
4. Thou shalt not sunbathe all week in the same style bikini, it renders the sexy, strapless dresses reserved for the last few nights totally useless and a waste of valuable packing space in the suitcase.
5. Thou shalt moisturise and exfoliate religiously to avoid coming home with peely, patchy skin, making the 'show off the tan to friends' totally non applicable.
6. Thou shalt not down copious amounts of double vodkas and redbull in the local karaoke/drag bar until 4am, thus fooling oneself into believing she is Mariah Carey, when everyone else knows she is Mariah Scarey.
7. Thou shalt not depress oneself looking at all the thinner, younger and more attractive bodies on show all holiday. As I learnt today, this is the only reason boyfriends' wear sunglasses throughout an entire holiday.
8. Thou shalt not waste one entire day and evening of the holiday with a hangover from hell after downing copious amounts of double vodkas and redbull in the local karaoke/drag bar the night before.
9. Thou shalt not fall asleep on the 4 hour flight home next to a stranger. When you awake unexpectedly to find your dribbling face an inch or so away from aforementioned stranger, it makes for an awkward end to the flight.
10. Thou shalt not weigh oneself on day of return from said holiday, please allow at least 4 weeks prior to going anywhere near the scales. And that is an actual law.